She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
