hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
