I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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