Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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