You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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