Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
