I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
Randomize
