Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
