Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize