Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
