I CAN MOONWALK!
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
She bit a glass in half.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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