I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
