Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
send nudes
from the living room?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
