FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize