I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
