I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
only if we run a train.
done.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Randomize
