how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I forget how to act sober
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