i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
