it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
