i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
