I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Randomize
