you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
