it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Randomize
