I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
