I will die if light touches me.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
