Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
