Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
