At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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