it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
