he told me I talked like a deaf person
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
