I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
