Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I haven't been this sober since birth.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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