I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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