Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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