Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
