addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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