Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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