Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
