My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
