My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Randomize
