Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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