We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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