ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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