May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize