How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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