He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
