is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
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