i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Randomize
