OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Randomize
