Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
