i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
they need to just BURY HIM!
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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