My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
