Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
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