Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
one two three fourrrrnication!
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
