we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
