i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
Randomize
