Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
