How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
