Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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