Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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