Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize