So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Houston, we have a blender
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
