I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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