If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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