i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I cut my penus on the lid.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
