I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
