i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
