I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
