I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
