Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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