I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I want a musical about memes.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
