her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
