dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
