I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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