My room smells like vodka and shame
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
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