she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
