I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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