Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
