what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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