lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
