I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
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