we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
