I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just want to make out with him forever
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
