some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize