Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
