yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
