hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
